Fashion + Me = Awkward!

I am not fashionable.

I am not one of those girls you see strutting around in high heels, laden with jewelry, mouths stuck to iPhads, designer swag practically tattooed every inch of their bodies, made-up like drag queens.

 I don't go clubbing, hang out with my awesome bitches, have 5,000 friends on Facebook I hardly know, Tweet about how I woke up this morning and ate too many carbs for breakfast, or whatever. That's not how I roll.

I'm fashionable like this. Unkempt, split-end ridden hair that defies every known professional salon and hair brush. Size 10 panties and cup A bras that don't fit my breasts at all, if the mosquito bites on my chest even qualify as breasts.

I listen to Heavy Metal, old 60s ballads, Johnny Cash. I have a penchant for thumbs-upping, collecting old cartoons, and reading human rights biographies. My idea of hanging out is eating a well done quarter pounder from McDonald's while watching old re-runs of Southpark and the Simpsons, ketchup spilled on the front of my shirt.

I probably spend my time looking like this:

Fashionista? More like fashion-NADA. But here I am - working in fashion retail marketing for a bunch of high-end European fashion brands, some whose names I can't pronounce. Ironically, I LOVE my job, I LOVE my company, and YES, I even LOVE the drama that comes with working in this industry!

Sooooooo. All I can really say is: fashion + me = AWKWARD.

Watch out, beetchezzz!