Never underestimate the power of shorts. On a boiling summer day seemingly shat from the bowels of Satan himself, a pair of shorts will provide the armor of coolness and comfort necessary to withstand hell's onslaught. Ventilation is most important when the flames of the sun bear down on your naked thighs.
Last year before I departed for the dark, gloomy and cold world that is Wales, I was about to pack three decent pairs of denim shorts into my suitcase. However my BFF Keisha came over the night I was about to leave, saw those shorts, and sealed my fate forever by REMOVING them from my suitcase.
"I mean, helloo-o!" Keisha grunted - as she bounced up and down on my suitcase, trying to cram in all the junk I'd packed the night before - "It's Wales. There are seagulls. It's cold."
Seeing how I would never be able to compete with that logic, off I went to Cardiff armed with five pairs of pants and enough leggings to start my own small retail emporium.
Little did we know however that there was such a thing as summer. For some strange reason, Keisha and I safely assumed that summer was a glitch in the seasons in the Northern hemisphere.
We had this similar vision of white people freezing in beaches off the coast of the Isle of Man wrapping themselves in thick fleece towels. No, we thought, summer is something that happens in the tropics. That's why Spain colonized the Philippines in 1521, they were sick and tired of being deprived of fun under the sun. Wales? Shorts? No, such a phenomenon does not happen in Europe.
But guess what... WE WERE WRONG!!
Here is a picture of Welsh people celebrating Christmas in summer. There is no snow. Note the shorts.
So let this be a lesson to those old and young, one and all, who plan to traipse the continent one day in all their jewels, fur, and finery riding fine white horses in the snow. Friend, LEAVE YOUR JEWELS AND FUR BEHIND. IT IS ALL A LIE. YOU CAN SURVIVE.... WITH SHORTS.
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