Self-Deprecation and You: Because Being a Bitch is Boring and Passe.

One interesting aspect about working in fashion is being exposed to a particular "personality"-based life form: the incredibly annoying, extremely overbearing, pedigreed female canine - also known as a Class A Bitch. Unlike other creatures who survive on more important things in life such as oxygen to breathe and food to break down into energy; the inherent survival mechanism of any certifiable Bitch is somehow based on one thing and one thing only: Being a First-Class Bitch.

Like a scientist in a laboratory I have observed that Bitches are somehow drawn to backstabbing, gossiping, whining, and being impolite in general the way that monkeys get into the habit of picking fleas off each other. There's something oddly comforting about a routine that keeps you preoccupied.

The classic defense mechanism of the average nice person confronted with such an abhorrent life form is silence combined with seething aggression. But let me suggest an alternative strategy which, like the Tao of the universe, will let you sit back and relax as your enemies writhe in awkwardness, or like the diseased monkeys that they are, scratch their heads in confusion.

When a Class A Bitch insults your intelligence, don't lose your integrity and combat her insult with aggression: combat it with good ole unpretentious Self-Deprecation instead.

Sample Scenarios:

Bitch: "Your marketing ideas are overused, generic, and boring."
You: "Okay. :)"

Bitch: "I see that thrift fashion is making a comeback."
You: "Cool. :)"

Bitch: "Why does your hair look like a used mop?"
You: "Thanks for noticing. :)" 

Bitch: "Your marketing directions are vague and disorganized."
You: "Thanks for the comment. :)"

Bitch: (raises an eyebrow)
You: (smile, and then flip her the bird)

The thing about being a Bitch is that it's easy, mindless, and in short, pathetic.

As Sun Tzu said, "Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.... Crushing their skulls under your heels and ripping their hearts out of their eyesockets."


Rock on.